Season 3: Episodes 51 to 54

Sailor Moon Says!

Season 3

(Episode 51 to 54)


	Welcome to Sailor Moon Says: Season 3! These are the brand-new episodes of your favorite loud-mouthed, disembodied characters! This page contains episodes fifty-one through fifty-four of the third season, so be prepared!

Starring...


	Lita	Amy	Serena		Molly	Namimi

	Darien	Melvin		Edison		Halan

		Artemis		Luna

Episode 51: The Ring is the Last Thing You Hear

I found it! Gidget's Great Adventure! Running time: approx. 2673 minutes.

How does it fit on one DVD?

It's a box-set DVD.

Edison!

How are you doing, Mr. Not-Ellie?

I'm still Ellie on the inside, Molly! Why can't you see that?

Because... that's on the inside, and I don't have x-ray vision! Gee, i though elephants were supposed to be smart.

There she goes, off in a tizzy again. It breaks my heart to see her wandering the horror section, tear-stricken and without peanuts.

...

So what can I do for you, today, Serena?

I'm confused. I'm so confused. Why are you behind the counter, Edison? And how can you fit behind the counter. I don't mean you're fat or anything, you're just--

--big-boned, I know. All elephants are big-boned, at least in comparison to humans. Anyway, Serena, to answer your question, the only job I could get is this part-time position at Hollywood Video.

But what about your office duties at NYU?

That's Ellie's job, not mine.

But didn't you say that you're still Ellie.

On the inside, yes. It's really an alter-ego type of thing. Only with fun gender-bending involved. So Ellie still works at NYU, and is currently on matrimony leave until Amy and Melvin have their silly wedding. And Edison, my current self, is working here at Hollywood--

Oh my gosh!

What is it?

No wonder Molly's all dizzy!

Molly's dizzy?

Or is she kind of fizzy...?

What are you saying, Serena? I can't stand around and gossip; I'm really busy.

No, earlier, you called Molly Izzy.

No, I said she was in a tizzy.

In a dizzy? A Busy dizzy?

No, not dizzy. Tizzy. Tuh-tuh-tizzy.

Molly's in a tizzy. Got it. I'll go get her out.

Do you even know what "tizzy" means, Serena?

That she's sounding kind of fizzy?

No, it means she upset and kind of in a silent fit.

Is that anything like a perfect fit?

No. I'm really surprised that none of your other acquaintances has physically harmed you by now.

They've been really busy.

Anyway... you were saying you know why she's in a tizzy?

Right! This is Hollywood Video! i didn't even realize! She wanted to go to Blockbuster.

Blockbuster sucks.

You're just saying that because you work here.

Right.

Molly! Come here!

I'm lost! All of these videos look the same!

She must be in the New Releases section! I'll save her!

Yay! Go Edison! Get that Molly out of that tizzy!

Unhand me, you blue elepahnt, you!

Don't you mean "untrunk"?

Whatever! Just put me down!

I'm hurt. I hope you see past my gender one day.

Can we go home now, Serena?

But aren't you worried that your hair will be frizzy?

What?

Now I'm getting dizzy.

Can we check this out, please, Edison?

Sure thi--uh-oh.

What?

You have an overdue video.

I do?!?

I told you we should've gone to Blockbuster. Hmph.

Stop. Your hair's getting frizzy.

Oh no! it actually is! You've created a new rule that my physiology follows! Oh no! I don't even know what "physiology" means!

The computer says that you checked out Bathroom Beauties Five...

I hate that Melvin!

Why?

Not only did he rent that disgusting movie--

--it's rated PG--

--on my card, but he also never returned it!

I'm afraid we can't let you rent Gidget's Great Adventure until we receive Bathroom Beauties Five.

Ellie would never be this cruel!

Calm down, Molly... Okay, we have to figure out a way around this.

I'm sure Melvin lost it somewhere. Or it got trampled along with the TV by Amy's tank.

Well, we have to give Edison something if we want to see the rest of our b-movie!

Do you still have that VHS you ejected from Namimi?

Yeah. Why?

We just turn that in and say that it's Bathroom Beauties Five

Great idea!

Stop whispering! Magical elephants don't have super-hearing!

Just like I don't have x-ray vision! Hmph!

Do you have the video or not?

Yeah, um, here.

Now you just owe $3,430.29 in late fees.

Can we still rent the DVDs?

Yes, but you owe--

Great. We'll pay the late fees next time. You know, since we got the tape back this time and all.

I'd ask my manager, but I really don't give a flying--

--elephant?

Sure. There you go. They're due by 11:30 at night, next Sunday.

Thanks! Bye, Edison!

Bye, Serena! I miss you, Molly!

Whatever. Let's go watch our movie.

It's getting frizzy again.

They're gone. Now I can watch this movie and figure out how in the world--darn! I got all these videos mixed up! I hope this is the right one and that mistake wasn't just a plot device to get me to watch the wrong video! Yeah, I hope I figure out how a movie with a name such as Bathroom Beauties Five managed to get only a PG rating.

Hey! Just interrupting to prevent your monologue from getting too long!

A "monolongue," if you will?

I don't see why I won't. But I'm kind of busy.

What the...? This is a weird video...

Rrriiing! Rrriiing!

Edison the magical elephant says: I don't want to answer that.

Originally aired: Thursday, July 24th, 2003

Episode 52: "A Role-Playing Game"

This is uncomfortable.

Hush, Melvin. Go grab your pom-poms.

I will be really, really embarrassed if anyone comes in right now.

Don't be so annoying, Melvin. I find your cheerleader uniform very sexy.

I just find this role-playing stuff weird.

Now help me get these shoulder pads on.

And I don't really understand why I can't be the football player. Why do you get to be super-jock?

You're too meek.

Artemis, I'm starting to get a little cabin fever. I can't stand being cramped up in this small cabinet.

Well, we have to. Either until Amy and Melvin are done with their strange behavior or until you begin to give birth to our children.

Being pregnant sucks.

I know, dear. Now rest.

No, you don't! You haven't been pregnant a day in your life, you stupid blonde cat!

Shhh--

What was that?

Ow! Melvin! You put my helmet on backwards! It's stuck! I can't see!

I heard a noise! It sounded like it came from the kitchen!

Help me get this helmet off, and I'll go hunt down the noise with you! Melvin! Melvin? Where did you go?

It sounded like it came from here--

The light!

Monster!

No! Don't look at me!

It's a cheerleader monster from the Negaverse! Somebody kill it!

Um, didn't you once say that we couldn't say "kill"? That we had to say "destroy"?

Don't argue with a pregnant feline! Now kill the stinkin' monster!

*Scratch* Mrow!

Ow! Ow! That hurts!

This is a tough little cheerleader monster! We need Sailor Moon!

I'm not a mon--ow! Get off me, you--Mina! Help me, please! Mina!

Stop screaming, Melvin! Get over here, and get this helmet off of me! What's going on! Ow! I ran into something!

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Mina? Is that you, Mina?

Namimi! Uh-oh. Ow!

Snarl. Mrow. Hiss.

This is so painful! And embarrassing!

Wait, Melvin! I think Mina has turned back into the fifth Teletubby--

Don't say that word!

Get this darn helmet off of me, and I'll stop saying it! teletubby! Teletubby! Teletubby!

Tewetuddy! Tewetuddy!

I can't! I have a cat attacking me!

Go, Artemis! Kick that Nega-monster's butt!

Get off of me! Get off of me! You stupid cat! Argh!

Hiss. Hiss.

At least Mina won't tell anyone what she's seen. You know, being a--

--Tewetuddy--

--and all.

Teebee!

What? Oh no!

What is it? I can't see a thing!

There's a television screen on her stomach! And she's recording everything!

Who saw this coming? I certainly didn't, because, you see, I've got a frickin' backwards football helmet stuck on my head!!

Hey, everyone! We're--

What's wrong, Serena?

Ew. Ew. Ew.

What is it? Melvin was dressed up as a cheerleader, and he was doing something to Artemis! And there was some freaky football player watching!

We have to save Artemis!

I'm going to be sick.

I'm going to have nightmares.

I'm going to die of embarrassment. I can't believe Serena saw me! This is all your fault, Amy!

Where's a blasted magical elephant when you need one? And it's not my fault that you got this stupid helmet stuck on my head! It's not my fault that I can't see!

That's it! I don't care how disgusting it is, Serena! I have to save Artemis from Melvin! Get outta my way!

No! Don't do--

Oh--

--my--

--gawd!

What? What is it? I can't see!

Somebody, please kill me now!

Hurry, Molly! You have to transform and destroy this Nega-monster!

What is it, Molly? Have you been blinded?

I'm too pregnant to move. Somebody, enlighten me as to what's going on!

Melvin is so hot as a cheerleader!

I am?

He is?!?

Melvin? This is Melvin?!?

Don't lay a finger on my man, you hussy! I'll get--

Amy! Watch out! That's a--

*Clunk*

--giant steel stalagmite.

You know, I got so used to it that I kinda forgot it was there!

Yeah, me too.

Can you get your teeth out of my arm now, please, Artemis?

Oh, yeah. Sorry. Heh.

This has been so embarrassing...

Let's go get that cat-wound cleaned up in my room, Melvin.

Ow! It hurts! Stop touching it!

Serena and I have Neosporin--

--our complimentary tube of it for mentioning it should be in the mail in a few minutes--

--in our bathroom medicine cabinet. Come on, Melvin.

Okay...

(And I'll just lock the door behind us... Heh-heh.)

Namiii!

No, Mina! Don't! I mean, Nami--dang! She jumped into our bedroom before Molly locked the door!

What color is today, again?

Amy, how many fingers am I holding up?

How the heck should I know? I have a helmet on my head!

Good enough answer.

Maybe you should end this episode, Serena. You know, before the audience gets treated to what's going on in your bedroom. You know...

Ew...

What?!? What's going on?!? I'll get that--

Watch out--

*Clunk*

What happened? Did Amy run into the stalagmite again?

You could come out and look yourself, Luna.

I'm pregnant. Don't badger me. Now tell me what happened!

She ran into our bedroom door. Molly locked it already.

Well, at least she was heading in the right direction this time.

Okay, I'll end the episode now. I really don't want to see what's going on in there. Sailor Moon Says: Wait, Namimi is in there! That means--argh! Today's lesson: never count on a Teletubby to be your VCR on command. Always rent one from the video store--

--in Hollywood...

Originally aired: Thursday, August 14th, 2003

Episode 53: "Voyeuristic Intention"

Namimi...

Na?

If you wouldn't mind...

Mi?

Could you pwease give me and Melveykins some pwivacy?

Mi!

I don't think she understands English. Or any other language, for that matter.

This is frustrating.

This outfit is so embarrassing...

Well, me and Amy may have our differences, but at least we agree on one thing.

And what exactly--Ow!--is that?

That a Melvin in a cheerleader's uniform is undeniably sexy.

Um...

Yes, Melvin?

That's one of the falsies Amy made me wear... It kinda shifted down during the fight.

Oh, haha. Oops! There... is this a little better?

Oh... Well...

You like being "taken care of," don't you, Melveykins?

Molly... That's the other falsie.

Damn it.

Again!

I really hope they're not blood-stained. Amy will be furious.

Let's just make sure she never finds out, okay?

What?

*Kisses Melvin*

No! You can't kiss me! Let me out of here! The door's locked! Ow!

Melvin, sit down!

My blood hurts!

Kithee!

No! Melvin! Don't pass out... against the door. Now how in the heck am I going to get this stupid Tewetubby out of here?

Yay! Tewetuddy!

Let's see... Outside! Pway time!

Pway time?

Pway time!

Again?

Again! Out big hole! That's it... Yep, Namimi... out big wall hole!

Whee! Bye-bye!

Bye-bye! (I wonder what's out that window now that the whole apartment complex is underground, anyway...) Poor Melvin's asleep... I guess I'd better clean all of this blood off of him... Where's the zipper on this uniform, anyway?

Open this door right now! I can't see, but I'm getting pretty angry!

I can't! There's a naked Melvin propped up against it! And the doorknob is slick with blood!

What?!?

Too much information?

Somebody get this helmet off of me right now!

So, Luna, any idea when the kitties are due?

Why don't you feck off, you dumb broad?!?

That's British for "No."

Don't tell me what's British for what's English for, well, I'm tired. I think I'll take a catnap now.

She'll be calmer when she wakes up. Anyhow, it's nice to finally be out of that cabinet.

I love you two. Life is just perfect when the irate Amy is all helmeted and the evil Raye is buried underneath the city with mole people.

True, true. She's still bashing her helmeted head against that impenetrable bedroom door, the poor thing.

Who's the poor thing? The bedroom door or Amy?

I'm not exactly sure.

Anyhow, I'm off to find somewhere to play this tape. I think Darien has a VCR...

But didn't Ellie--I mean, Edison--send him to that alternate dimension!

I forgot! And Namimi was my link for voyeuristic intention! Oh, no!

Do you even know what "voyeuristic intention" means?

Um, not really. What does it mean?

Oh, I don't know. I was checking to see if you knew.

Oh. Well... I don't. I should go find a VCR.

But where? Everyone we know is in this penthouse! Or... not quite available.

I think I'll head over to Edison's place and see if his VCR is working.

I didn't realize that Edison had a--

Shush! If I don't realize that, I'll be able to find his home! Bye, guys! *Leaves* Now, how do I make this elevator work...?

Serena!

Uh... Ignore-the-blue-blob. Ignore-the-blue-blob.

Serena!

Stop talking to me! You're not real! No! No! No!

It's me, Samar--I mean, Edison!

Edison?!? What happened to you? Why are you all smudged out?

I was rewinding a video cassette--

--In Hollywood!--

--and it started playing! It was the creepiest video ever! And then the phone rang and a voice said that I would die in seven days! And ever since then, I've looked like this! I only look normal in photographs!

So you've tried shaking it like a Polaroid picture?

Yes! I even got jiggy with my bad self!

Oh, no! This sounds awful! When did this happen?

Right after you and Molly stopped by to rent a video--

--In Hollywood!--

--how long ago was that?

I'm not really sure. Gemini6Ice has been neglecting "Sailor Moon Says!" for a while.

Hold on. Let me check that episode's original airdate... Episode 51 originally aired about 11 months ago!

Well, you seem fine! Aside from the smudginess, that is.

I have to show you this video! It's the creepiest thing ever! It opens with this girl floating by, like she's trying to say something.

I'm getting hungry!

And then two men float by, arguing.

I need a shave.

Stop hugging me. Your stubble hurts.

Do you see this strand of hair? Huh?!? It's five inches long! That's not stubble, mister!

I feel less manly.

Come to my place and watch it, Serena!

Under one condition, Edison the smudgy blue elephant...

If I weren't so terrified of dying from a telephone curse 11 months ago, I'd stamp on you for that comment. What's the condition?

That, afterwards, I get to watch Gidget's Great Adventure.

Fair enough. Oh, look at that! Mina's employees must really miss her!

How sweet! That statue they've installed in this outdoor cafe looks just like Mina!

Actually, it looks more like an inverse indentation, kind of like a crater or something.

Wouldn't a crater be a hole in the ground instead of a Mina-shaped lump?

Yes, that is why I said "inverse."

Is that like the Negaverse?

No, it means that it is backwards, almost as if Mina had fallen from the middle of the earth and hit the sidewalk coming up! But that's just silly.

Should we take a cab?

I think we'll have to. I can't hold on to you when I'm all smudged-out like this. We have to find a way to fix me.

Sailor Moon Says: What does "voyeuristic intention" mean, Edison?

I'll tell you when you're older! Taxi! To ��¶�, please!

Namimi owie...

Originally aired: Sunday, June 27th, 2004

Episode 54: "P3pt0-815m07"

Wow, Edison! This is a great apartment!

Thanks, I got it on eBay.com!

I don't have too much luck on there. I always seem to wind up winning auctions set up by scam-artists.

What stuff do you try to get on there?

A college degree, vi4gr4, $30 million (dollars) from the ambassador of a random African country, maybe some hot college girls gone wild. You know, the usual.

...

What is it, Edison?

...

Tell me!

You just said vi-four-ager-four... How do you even pronounce that?!?

I don't understand what you're saying, Edison! I'm confused!

The second item you mentioned attempting to buy off of eBay!

Z070f+?

No, no, you didn't even mention that one! (Not that I can pronounce it either!)

Pr024c? Vi4gr4?

Yeah, the second one! How can you actually pronounce it! I mean, it has numerals in it!

It does? They put numerals in it?!? Is that safe?!?

What? How is that dangerous?

I though vi4gr4 only had chemicals in it... not numbers too!

I'm tempted to make some comment about numbers really being chemicals or vice-versa, but that would be wrong.

So disgustingly wrong.

...

So why shouldn't I be able to pronounce it?

I've got an idea: spell that word!

Um... V-I... 4-G-R... 4! Via4gr4!

Good job!

Thanks! Did I win the spelling bee?!?

*Looks around* Sure! Congratulations! Now tell me what the number 4 sounds like when it's part of a word!

Oh, that's weird! I can't think of any other words off the top of my head that have a 4 in them...

That's because numbers aren't part of the alphabet!

Oh... then how come I can pronounce vi--vi--viffer... I can't say it now!

That's good enough for me. Let's watch that video now.

I'm a little scared.

You should be.

Wait! That's Lita floating by!

I hear Serena's voice!

Where?

I don't hear anything!

That girl is Lita? It doesn't really look like her!

That's because your eyes are all smudged-out, Edison.

How astute of observation, Serena!

I'll just pretend that I understood what you said.

That works for me.

I thought Mina--I mean, Namimi--ate them!

Ate whom?

Lita and Darien and Halan! They were in Namimi's tummy!

Please enlighten me: who is Namimi?

Oh, in Vegas, Mina gained the third alter-ego of Namimi, the fifth Teletubby. When she turns into Namimi, you can watch videos on her tummy. And, well, we saw Lita, Darien, and Halan in there. Oh, look! Hi, Lita! Hi, Halan!

Her voice is coming from the other side of this glass wall!

I don't hear anything!

I can hear her now! But I don't see anything!

Neither do I! There's nothing on the other side! Serena! Can you hear us?

Oh, look! They're pounding on your TV now!

I'll be an angry elephant if they break my new plasma TV.

Turn the volume up! They're saying something!

I can't--my depth-perception is all off!

Fine, I'll do it myself then.

Serena! Serena!

You guys are whack.

Go find a razor, wolf-boy.

Is that Darien?!? Darien! Can you hear me?!?

I can hear you now, Serena! Where are you?

I'm in Edison's apartment! Why are you in the TV?

We're in the TV?

I'm confused.

At least I can hair her now, though.

Puntastic, really. But now's not the time, Darien!

Can't you see me?

No, Serena, we can't. We're in some sort of empty space! Some vacuum!

What's a vacuum?

A vacuum is a void.

Ve know that, but vat's the void mean?

First of all, you have a Brooklyn accent, Molly, not a Jewish accent.

Oy vey, I didn't realize.

Secondly, Molly, you're still in the penthouse with Melvin.

Oops. I forgot.

And you totally stole that joke from the webcomic "Gluemeat."

Okay, okay. I take it back. We'll totally passover this joke, okay, Edison. Sheesh, you were way less crankier as Ellie. I hate you. Goodbye.

I'd correct "less crankier," but my old friend has left.

We don't have time for puns! Please, Serena, Jewish-Molly, and whoever else is there, please get us out of here! I don't know how much longer we--

What happened? Where did they go?

That's the end of the tape. It's not that long.

But how did they get there? (Wherever "there" is...)

I teleported them into an alternate dimension, remember? I guess it must run perpendicular to our dimension somehow...

I don't understand.

It doesn't matter. I sent them there, right? So I can get them back!

Oh, Edison, you're wonderful!

Ungh!

What's wrong?

Ungh! Ergh!

Constipation?

Unghhhh..... No! I'm trying to open a portal to the other dimension, but I'm suffering from nausea.

Indigestion?

No... I think it's heartburn.

Upset stomach?

This curse seems to be stopping me from using my magical powers! Oh, no... I gotta get to the bathroom!

Diarrhea?!?

Yes...

Nausea!

Indigestion!

Heartburn!

Upset stomach!

Diarrhea!

Yay, Pepto-Bismol!

When you did you two come over here?

Well, I'm still suffering from morning sickness, myself.

So we couldn't miss the Pepto-Bismol song, you see.

Rrriiing! Rrriiing!

Serena! I'll be indisposed for a while... Could you get the phone, please?

Yeah. *Picks up phone* Hello?

I wonder how long he'll be in the bathroom...

I believe bodily wastes are proportional to one's body size.

That makes sense.

What do you mean I'm going to die in seven minutes?!? Hello? Hello?!?

Oh, now that's kinda weird.

Everything is all blurry now.

No, Serena, you are blurry.

Sailor Moon Says: Don't answer the phone if there's just someone who will predict your seven-minute death on the other end of the line.

How would anyone know that before actually answering the phone?

If I could tell how far away you were, I'd... do something to you.

I win. Nyah.

Originally aired: Sunday, July 25th, 2004

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