I was really hoping for something more challenging this month. I mean, really. Do you fans out there not have any real problems? Like a zombie dog trying to eat you? Or your mailman is eating your mail? Or maybe even you don't like spaghetti? Or perhaps you just can't say it while eating, and it comes out, "pasghetti"? Or maybe I'm just hungry right now. I may need something to eat.

Okay, I'm back. As for your problem, just tape record her and make her listen to what she said. And if she still denies saying that, or she thinks this is that, or whatever it is you said--you lost me halfway through your story--she may just be a compulsive liar. Now, people often call others "compulsive liars" rather compulsively. A true compulsive liar is actually mentally ill and needs help. It's not that they believe their lies--that's being "delusional." They just can't stop themselves from lying.

Now, there are many solutions for this problem. As Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Mars prefer, there's shock-therapy. Nothing makes someone do what you want like eloctrocuting them whenever they don't. Just think of Pavlov's dogs. If you don't know who they are, do a Google search for them. The dark brown one is Spotty, and the spotted one is Chocolate. Pavlov was a twisted little man. Just hook some wires to your friend when she isn't looking, secretly holding the ends in your hand. Whenever she lies, just stick them in the nearest electrical socket. Eventually, she'll stop lying for fear of shock.

Now, if you feel like taking the less painful approach, just trick her into seeing a psychiatrist. And that's about it. You don't need me to explain... Yeah, you probably do. Okay, invite her to go get ice cream one afternoon. Then, put a colorform up to her nose until she passes out. The Spiderman ones from the early eighties work rather well. Then drag her limp body to the psychiatrist's office, where she'll wake up. You have my word: colorforms are the least painful way that you'll be able to accomplish this.

Now let's move on to someone with a real problem...

First, we must determine what m stands for. The most likely thing is "meter." So this equation is obviously some sort of measuring device, perhaps a fourtotwometer. These devices can be very delicate, so let's proceed with caution. Now, if we add two to the device, we'll have three of them. So any measurment we take we'll get three of. And to determine the most accurate measurement, well take the average of the three fourtotwometers.

Now, I'm not sure what we're measuring, but it's common knowledge that placing fourtotwometers before an equal sign will result in a negative value, while placing them after will result in a positive value. Placing them on the sign itself will result in the destruction of the entire universe, so let's not try that just yet. So, we know the three measurements with our fourtotwometers will be negative. So our average fourtotwometer measurement is negative.

Let's try re-arranging the equation: 2 = 4 - 2m. So now we'll get the fourtotwometer measurement positive, and however much four minus a fourtotwometer will give us, or three fourtotwometers. So three fourtotwometers will either give us a positive or a negative value. The only number which can be multipled by either measurement and yield the same measurement is 1. So m = 1. That was easy.

Well, as maybe not everyone out there knows, Dorothy Biteme was a guest character on "Sailor Moon Says!" She first appeared as a waitress on Halan and Serena's first date. She was then fired because they walked out on the check (and the tip!). Out of a job for many months, she sought employment when Mina opened her café. However, Serena recognized her and got her attention, distracting poor Dorothy from the interview. Sadly, my alter-ego thought that Dorothy Biteme was a no-show. And since she lost this opportunity for employment, Dorothy sought revenge.

Our cast ran into the subways, where they ran into the Beastmaster and Raye. Raye got the Beastmaster to turn Dorothy into a figurine to go into Raye's personal collection. There's no telling how many people were turned into figures and put into Raye's collection. And what happened when Raye's fortress was destroyed by Molelly playing Tiwster?

Well, we can only assume that Dorothy Biteme and Raye's other victims are either in the rubble of the fortress or in the subterranean caverns of New York. Will we see any of them again? Will they come back to life? i'm afraid the answers lie in the fourth season. You'll just have to wait and see.

Hello? Are you living under a rock or something? The answer's pretty obvious! I don't even see why you asked me this question.

Okay... Gemini6Ice says that that answer is good enough. Okay, you're married to Joe, but you broke up the guy you were seeing on the side, right? Well, as they say, "two birds and the bees are better than George Bush." In other words, live a little. I know your husband isn't in school anymore, since he works at that ice cream factory and everything, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know how to have a home-rockin'-coming time! Get him a corset, or a corsage, your choice, and bring him to homecoming!

Now, as for your ex-boyfriend. Okay, I admit this is a little bit of a toughie. My comments about this being an easy solution earlier were in reference to whom you planned on going to homecoming with. Okay, you can't go on a date with him because you'll be going with Joe, and he can't find a date of his own. Do you go to a small school, or is he a dork? (Or both?) Well, if it's a small school, hire an "escort" and tell him that it's Joe's sister. Make sure it's someone little. Well, for a woman. Find a little woman.

However, if he's a dork, tell him to pick you up... twenty minutes after you and Joe leave. That'll teach him for breaking up with you! or did you break up with him? Maybe it was a mutual thing? I don't remember! Gotta go! A game show's on!

Since I seem to get many short questions that are very easily answered, I asked Gemini6Ice if I could knock several of them out of the way this month so that the people asking them wouldn't feel offended that their questions weren't getting answered. Here we go!

Well, you seem to have an identity crisis. And in the middle of an identity crises is not the time to resign oneself to being only one pretty soldier! So, the easiest solution is this: you are both Sailor Moon and Sailor Sailor Mercury. Next!

Whoo, boy. Or girl. Seriously, I get this question or some variant of it almost every other week. I keep asking Gemini6Ice to filter them out for me, but he's lazy. First of all, I'm not in Australia. There are online programming guides. Try TV Guide. Yes, I could find out for you, but I don't know whichpart of Australia you're in. And you could find out much more easily than I could if it's even airing in Australia.

While I'm on this kind of question, let's move on to the next very similar question I always get...

Is that a question? It really seems like a statement. And, as a statement it makes no sense. And since it makes no sense, I will ignore it. (If it were question, I would not know the answer anyhow.) As for "Sailor Moon" showing again, why, you can just pop in a tape of it, a "Sailor Moon" DVD, or, if you can't afford such things, draw a picture of Sailor Moon (or your best attempt) and tape it to your television screen. Here's one I tried to do myself:

Yeah, i'm not too great an artist. But if the shoe fits, walk a mile in it, you know? If you can't draw a picture yourself, print out a copy of the above one and tape it to your television set.

Yes. Yes it is. I think you've said just about everything that can be said on the subject.

In response to your intended question, no. In response to how I'll acknowledge the question, since this is a family website, yes, I've possessed being female my entire life. And even during my former life as the princess of Venus. Why, I'm just a female in all time periods. Aren't I special?

I really have no idea what an otetory contest is. I'm guessing it's some sort of academic competition, but I don't have the faintest clue what subject it's concerned with. Otetology? Is there such a thing as Otetology? Well, I doubt anyone else knows what it is either, so I'm sure you'll be the only participant. Good luck! I'm sure you'll place first! And second! And third! And last too!

Please explain your name. I can't figure out how to pronounce it. I also suspect that you may have typed it random letters, like this: djhsgydfh dsjfgsd dhjow wit7w wigd. Or is it some acronym? Sure, five girls realize electricity! Sammy Fingerhopper gave Rita energy? I really have no clue. Please tell me. Answer Sailor Venus!

As for your question, of course I love Artemis! He's so adorable! But I'd never call him "Arty." He'd kill me. He'd track me down wherever I hid, and he'd claw my face off. Speaking of Artemis, where has he gone off to? Oh, no... Sugar-free, sufagre, suff, um, you! Yeah, get on a flight right now! Fly away to an island where Artemis can't reach you! I think he's on his way right now.

You know what I just realized? This means I'll never get my questions answered by surfer-GED. Darn.

A lot of you out there seem to have aspirations of becoming a Sailor Scout. It will probably not happen. Six billion people are in the world, and only a handful of us are Senshi. But I guess I'll answer your questions anyway.

That has to be the dumbest senshi name I've ever heard. And why would you get the whole galaxy. You have delusions of grandeur. That happened to my roommate in France though. Not the delusions of grandeur, but the waking up with a strange symbol. The rule is that senshi symbols only appear on foreheads in times of great danger or during transformation sequences. And since you're asking about having to wear our outfits (although I know that, secretly, you're dying to wear such a sexy get-up!), I can assume that you didn't transform this morning.

Wait. Hold on. I'm confused. "I got out of the morning"? How does one get out of a morning. By entering the afternoon? So a strange symbol appeared at noon? Hm. Maybe you just didn't notice it until noon.

But, yes, back to my roommate in France. One night she got drunk and fell asleep on the beach. Her forehead was on top of a seashell. The hermit crab inside it didn't take too kindly to her weight, as we could tell from the numerous pinch marks on her face. Anyhow, she was left with an indentation of the shell's spiral shape on her forehead. We made fun of her.

So what does this all mean? You need to lay off of the booze, Joanna.

Red and black... Red and black... Sailor Milky Way.

Can I call you Alex? Some people prefer to be called Alex. Some people preferred to be Alexandria. Then there are those who get mad when I call them either, but that's usually because their real names are neither of the two.

Okay, now about your problem. Have you tried transforming without all of the excessive question marks. Our inner powers are very sensitive to punctuation, you know. I once tried to use my crescent beam, but I accidentally stuck a semicolon in the middle. Needless to say, it really screwed up. It also blew up a small housing district of Paris. But that's another story for another day.

Also, whom are you wounding? It's not a nice thing to wound 'er, whoever she is. Anyway, the most likely reason that you can't transform into a Sailor Scout is that you are not a Sailor Scout. I mean, I love being idolized as much as the next gal--well, probably even more than the next gal--but if no talking cat gives you a transformation pen, you don't have any pretty-suited super powers, okay?